Why Do High School Students Leave “the Church”: Some Stats and Suggestions

 Introduction:

This post focuses on the transition between high school and college, including various challenges and how a local church can help minister to those making such a transition.

When you read about college students or young 20s these days, their relationship with the church or faith may be presented in a skeptical light. You hear quotes like “86% of evangelical youth drop out of church after graduation.” Such a statement is simply not true, but that doesn’t mean there’s no reason for concern.

 

Statistics on Dropout Patterns for Teenagers:

Lifeway Research (2007)—Definitely need more updated research here

About 70% of young adults who indicated they attended church regularly for at least one year in high school do, in fact, drop out—BUT of those who left, almost two-thirds return and currently attend church (in the timeframe of the study).

Patterns: Helpful to realize that there are always some coming and going. Yet, something significant happens between ages 17-19 that accounts for these sudden drops. This study noticed that if someone attends an average of two times a month,

 Ages 16–17, drop 10%

Ages 17–18, drop 14%

Ages 18–19, drop 13%

But why? 80% who dropped out of church did not plan to do so during high school. Our teenagers aren't primarily leaving because they have significant disagreements with their theological upbringing or out of some sense of rebellion. They simply lose track of the church and stop seeing it as important to their life.

 

Statistics for Teenagers (13-18 Years Old):

 Gen Z: The Culture, Beliefs and Motivations Shaping the Next Generation

Barna Research Group (2018)—Again, I’m sure there’s been an updated study since then.

 1. 59% of students in this age group identify as Christian or Catholic. 21% say they are atheist or agnostic. 

2. Students in this age group offer the following major “barriers to faith”:

a. Problem of evil and suffering (29%)
b. “Christians are hypocrites” (23%)—ouch
c. Science refutes the Bible (20%)
d. “I don’t believe in fairy tales (19%)
e. “There are too many injustices in the

history of Christianity” (15%)—double ouch
f. “I used to go to church but it’s not

important to me anymore” (12%)
g. “I had a bad experience at church with a

Christian” (6%)—triple ouch

 

Statistics for What 18-29-Year-Old Christians from the Church Think About the Church:

 You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church . . . and Rethinking Faith

David Kinnaman, Baker Books (2011)

 

Nearly 25%	“Christians demonize everything outside of the church”
18%	Church was too concerned about the negative impact of movies, music and video games
33%	“Church is boring.”
Over 33%	“Christians are too confident they know all the answers”
25%	“Christianity is anti-science.”
17%	They’ve “made mistakes and feel judged in church because of them.”
33%	They feel like they can’t ask life’s most pressing questions in church

 

If I were running a college ministry, what would I want to know from them? 

Well, lots of things. They would have so many ideas (and this is one of the most difficult seasons of life to pastor in my short experience. I know others have done it well). But here are some questions that I would be begging for honesty and transparency without any judgment.

 

1.      What was your biggest difficulty / challenge in your first year of college?

2.      What was the biggest difference between high school and college?

3.      What is the best piece of advice you would give to a junior or senior HS student? (what do wish you had known as a Jr. or Sr in HS)

4.      How difficult is it to maintain a healthy spiritual walk in the midst of college life?

5.      Do you agree that people who go to college struggle with leaving the church? Why or why not?

            Possible Answers:

a.      Hypocrisy from members or leaders

b.      Political Views

c.      Problems with the Bible

d.      No room for us or our ideas

  

How can we do a better job of bridging the gap between “millennials” (this term may already be obsolete) or GenZ and the older members of the church?

The short answer: Create a multi-generational church. If we create a “youth” church and an “old people” church, and we then expect the youth to graduate into the latter, our expectations may be way off.  

How do we create this multi-generational church?

1.      Serve alongside them and have them serve alongside us. (Perhaps the first step is to remove “them” and “us” from this list)

2.      Disciple them (one on one)

3.      Training them in positions of leadership. Youth must be involved and see how their service benefits others. How can they contribute to the kingdom now, not just later?

a.      *** not ignoring their uniqueness

b.     Overarching Idea: Listening to them to discern how God is moving through this generation to accomplish His purpose.

 

Statistics for Why Millennials Stay Connected to Church—Supports Our Suggestions Above

 5 Reasons Millennials Stay Connected to Church

Barna Study (2013)

•  Develop meaningful relationships with millennials
• Teach millennials to study and discern what’s happening in the culture
• Help millennials discover their own mission in the world, rather than ask them to wait their turn
• Teach millennials a more potent theology of vocation, or calling.
• Help millennials develop a lasting faith by facilitating a deeper sense of intimacy with God

 

Statistics for Which Teenagers Stay in Church

LifeWay Research, 2007

What teenagers say: 

              I wanted the church to help guide my decisions in everyday life (prior to 18).    
        My parents were still married to each other and both attended church (prior to 18).
        The pastor's sermons were relevant to my life (prior to 18).
        At least one adult from church made a significant investment in me personally and spiritually (between 15 and 18).

 

So, what obstacles do you think will keep us from doing the above things? What keeps both the college students and older generations from serving alongside each other, listening to one another, and creating this discipleship relationship in a healthy, multi-generational church?

 Perhaps the biggest hindrance is a fear of “losing the church.” This is not the only reason, and there are lots of churches who excel at training the next generation. But many are not. It may be a real fear that the millennials will not be able to bring the Gospel forward unless the “church” (not to mention the global body is serving differently than our local contexts) keep certain things sacred. What things? E.g., music, buildings, missions programs, Sunday order of services, programs.

Regardless of the actual hindrances that churches face in this issue, how do we overcome them? We must remember the head of the church, Jesus. He is sovereign over all things. The church has survived generational changes for two millennia. We have to train the next generation and this requires wisdom from all involved. 

Teens may think it’s easier to start something new than reform something old, but that’s not necessarily the case. Resources are available from previous generations to springboard gospel ministry for many years. Learn from wiser and older believers.

By growing in Christ together as one body, the church strengthens. But we must become one body, learning and being taught, serving alongside one another for a broken world.                              

Purity Culture and the Triangle

 Eventually, I'll have a full explanation of the triangle, and why I spent many years incorporating it into my teaching. My first worldview class I ever taught used it; I adapted it, and I found its principles helpful in explaining why we act certain ways. My opening discussions often prompted discussion from young people, introducing ethical decisions and the "why?" behind them.

The basic premise is that everyone has a worldview (and I understand that for some people, that word is a misnomer or triggers some misinformed/well intended teaching from years and years past. I think the danger only comes when we say phrases like "the biblical worldview." I still think everyone has a way of looking at the world around them. And there are huge questions about humanity's make up, our purpose, our goals, God/god, etc., that various foundational ways of thinking answer. For now, I disgress)

The point is that a worldview usually informs where we derive our source(s) of truth. Then our particular set of beliefs that arise from whatever truth we hold produces a value system. Finally, our values eventually leak out into actions/behaviors. So in an ideal philosophical setting, beliefs and worldview inform or even dictate how one behaves. And one someone behaves demonstrates what he/she believes.

Believe me, I know the exceptions to these generalizations. I am, by no means, a philosopher. But I used this as a simple tool to help young people consider their actions in a healthy way and even better inform my teaching. Here's one of my favorite examples.

I created a teaching calendar for all seven years of 6th-12th graders that would move through the youth program. It helped create structure for me, reduce stress on what to teach, and brought balance to my teaching so youth didn't hear the same old stuff week after week. (Eliminated hobby horses, too). By no means, did I stick to the schedule whether for special occasions, or someone requested we study something unique, or I jumped over to a new year for a while, but at least I had some guide.

But every year I at least had some elements of "the talk." And I absolutely hated it. I'm not their parents. I am in no way related to these teenagers, so why am I responsible for informing their minds about sex, purity, girl things/boy things, God's plan, etc. To be fair, I had help from some other couples from the church, so we definitely split up into groups for further discussions. I did not dive into anything I shouldn't have in mixed company. Heck, no.

But my goal was to be intentionally different than the purity talks that we received growing up. You may have heard of Joshua Harris' revoking of his book(s) in somewhat recent years, and the documentary on why is eye-opening. (Yes, I know he is pretty much an atheist now, but that doesn't really affect this discussion). 

I am not going to dive into the finer points of purity culture or "what girls heard" or what percentage of the teaching was good or bad. I think there is always plenty of good intentions when we try to obey Scripture. There's plenty of benefit to teaching others/ discipling younger generations into making wise decisions. But the specific teachings, the legal codes, the assumptions that have been made (at least in my generations) have done some damage. Maybe not in your experience. And honestly, not always in my experience. But if we open our ears to those around us, it's deafening. How can teaching holiness be a bad thing? It can't be, right?

This is where I chose to use the triangle. Again, I concede that I'm using generalizations. But for me, it seems that much of the purity culture longs so badly for young people to make the best decision--i.e., remain pure or wait until marriage to have sex or only have sex with one partner of the opposite gender (once married). The unspoken (or heaven forbid, spoken on many occasions) implication is that if you follow God's rules, and do it as listed above, marriage will be awesome. Life will be a dream. 

But it's a lie. There's zero guarantee of the 3-4 kids, the ideal job (or any job), an affordable house, and in-laws that welcome you as their own. Shoot, you may struggle to even find a mate. Let alone conceive with him/her. The above implications really became prosperity gospel, not financial promises necessarily, but life blessings from God for being obedient. Is God pleased with obedience? Sure. Does it always payoff in a dream life? Look around and decide for yourself.

So my decision was to stop focusing on behavior (i.e., the top of the triangle). That's Pharisaism. Drawing boundaries and rules around rules to protect ourselves from breaking whatever God had commanded. The more we preach the rules, the more people want to get close to them. (Nothing wrong with being a prophet, per se, but that can't be the point of our existence.)

I started at the bottom of the triangle. What's your worldview? What's your belief system? Is there a God? What's His character? I know, it's a weird purity talk. What is the nature of humans and why are we so messed up? Who's messed up?--the girls or the guys--o boy, wrong question.

And how does Jesus fit into your belief system? Didn't He come to restore the world? Is there such a thing as forgiveness or redemption? What does following Him even mean? Now I had been teaching all of this throughout the year, so we had a foundation. This was review. But beliefs inform value systems.

So when we understand the nature of humans, we know that all beings made in God's image deserve respect. And if we are God's temple, the implications of that statement alone are mind boggling. 

And if Jesus came to seek and save the lost, then maybe there's hope for someone like me. If Jesus was tempted just like me, then maybe I'm not alone.

All of this feeds into behavior. So how do I respect members of the opposite gender? How do I honor my own body? How do I obey my parents in light of their demands in this confusing and weird season of life?

See, if we focus on behavior, we may get purity. The really, really good kids may make good decisions. Some may not. Some may rebel completely. But where did Jesus go in the discussion?

If we focus on Jesus and make Him central, then we have discussions of redemption, mercy, your life is not a disgrace, follow Him, pursue Him, and hey---we'll probably still get purity for many kids.

Flip the approach with the triangle. Most of all, keep the discussion going by listening to others and extending grace to those who feel shame and the burden of thinking they've ruined everything. Their story isn't over.