Ephesians 4:29-32

“You must let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is beneficial for the building up of the one in need, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. You must put away every kind of bitterness, anger, wrath, quarreling, and evil, slanderous talk. Instead, be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.”

— ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4‬:‭29‬-‭32‬‬

This paragraph is obviously part of a much larger section on life in the community, with an overarching theme of unity. This is one of my favorite examples of bracketing in Paul’s letters. 

Two things were common in my raising: (1) Vv. 29 and 32 were crammed into my head through memorization. I could quote them forward and backward. 

(2) Constant questions about what it meant to “grieve the Holy Spirit.” The typical sermon/lesson concluded that grieving the Spirit was sin. Choosing rebellion against God meant causing Him grief. 

We should first dive into the meaning of “grief,” which I believe has both connotations of frustration and general sadness. We would need to check the usage of the word throughout the Greek period as well as its specific uses around the time of the NT to narrow its possibilities here. More importantly, how did Paul use the word elsewhere and what makes most sense in this context? I haven’t done this study yet, but it really doesn’t affect my point here. Does the Holy Spirit grow angry? Perhaps. Jesus did. Does the Holy Spirit weep? Maybe. Jesus did.  

This is a tremendous responsibility. I have “power” to control the emotions of the third person of the Trinity?! I certainly don’t want to frustrate Him. That’s way too much pressure. I can’t even handle making decisions for my own life, wellbeing. 

Well, first, it’s a good thing Paul confirms the Spirit has already sealed believers until the day of redemption. So whatever he is referencing is not about salvation. God has secured His children. Ephesians emphasizes this throughout the chapters (see 1:3-14).

But this is where those other 2 verses help us. I have always used a jigsaw puzzle as my analogy. If I pick up a random blue piece of a puzzle, I may take a good guess as to where it belongs, but it could be part of a blue truck, or fill in some of the ocean, or find its place in the sky, or a house. The possibilities are endless. I need some surrounding pieces to help me. 

By looking at the surrounding verses, I may gain insight into how I grieve the Spirit. And what do you know—they both reference the same thing. Unwholesome talk, hatred, enmity, tearing others down, wrath, slander. One of the primary themes of Ephesians is the unity of the body of Christ. We are one church in Christ. If my life is filled with hatred and wrath, so much that I am tearing apart other believers, I am working against the mission of Christ. And the mission of the Spirit. 

I am not the only person who is sealed by the Spirit. All believers are. And if He guarantees salvation for all, then He unites all followers of Jesus. How can I possibly think it wise to tear apart what He builds together?

Working against the mission of the Spirit surely brings grief and frustration. 

Instead, v. 32b. Be kind one to another. Forgive. How much? By what standard? As Christ forgave you. 

These bring joy, peace, unity, not only to us but to the Spirit working in and among us.